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I never really new what html was. I never understood it when I had to choose whether to read my email in html or whatever the other choice/s was/were. I just always hoped that I picked the right one in order to read the email without never ending lines of code. I'm still a little lost...and so it goes.

fuck yeah

da

About to have my first appointment at the career center.  Cause, you know, I'm only graduating in a few months and still have no idea what it is that I'm going to do when I grow up.  Perhaps this will be worth the time.  Not much lately has felt worth the time.  I've become extremely efficient with time waste management.  Is that a marketable skill?  Is there an age that they prefer like in the music industry?  I'm about to be a 30-something, am I still legit?  Was I ever legit?  Will I ever have positive self esteem again? I will!

The Temperature Dependence of the Vapor Pressure of Carbon Tetrachloride

This experiment gives you the opportunity to examine the thermodynamics of a pure system, namely CCl4. In particular, you will study the phase diagram of this system, which is rather simple because there is only a single chemical component,  Thus it is sufficient to plot the vapor pressure as a function of temperature.  Then, by using the Clapeyron equation you will be able to extract the enthalpy of sublimation and vaporization, and the temperature of the phase transitions.

Theory
We would liek to derive the condition that pressure P and temperature T must obey in order for two phases to be in equilibrium. As always, we start form the fundamental requirem=ent that for two phases and tto be in equilibrium their chemical potentials must be equal:

ua=ub  (1)

Now the chemical potential of a pure substance is just the molar Gibbs free energy.  By taking the differential of the above eqaution we obtain:

dua=dub  (2)

which leads to

dGma=dGmb  (3)

 and so

-Sma dT + VmadP = -Smb dT + Vmb dP  (4)

can rearrange to

dP/dT = (Smb - Sma)/(Vmb - Vma) = delSm/delVm  (5)

Now delSm for a phase transition is just Hm/T, and we can approximate delVm as RT/P, since we are looking at the difference in volume between a gas (large) and a condensed phase (small).  These substitutions result in the Clausius-Clapeyron equation:

dP/dT = delHm/T(RT/P)  (6)

which most conveniently is written as

dlnP/d(1/T) = -delHm/R  (7)

Thus a plot of lnP as a function of 1/T has a slope delHm/R.  If delHm were independent of temperature, this slope would be constant.  If not, some curvature in the plot would be evident.  For extracting thermodynamic quantities it's easiest to work with the integrated form of equation 6, eventaully arriving at:

ln(P/Po) = (delH/R)*[(1/To)-(1/T)]

does it matter

Am I one of few who doesn't really give a shit about evolution?  It's not that I don't accept it, but I seem to find it to be a boring topic.  I may be interested in it someday in my life, but I tend to become quickly bored when reading yet another creationism/evolution argument.  I understand that the argument occurs because there are creationists who claim that evolution is not real because god is real, thus, rebuttals require evolutions defense.

I'm failing a class at the moment.  There is only one week left.  Fortunately, I'm not too far from the line and I still have 2 more lab reports and a final exam to bring my grade back up to passing.  I really don't care about learning anymore, which is quite irritating.  As I've been losing my motivation to study, even though i find most of the topics very interesting, my interest is to just pass the class and graduate.  I still have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.  I finally set up a full appointment at the career center, which will probably end up with her saying I need to see a counselor, which I plan on telling her that I have been and that I've been stuck in a rut in life for a decade trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up.  I can't help but wonder if I will still be thinking this when I'm 70, if I can last that long.

dhkt

Yet again, it's the night before another lab report is due and I will end up being awake for almost all of the night until I give up for a couple of hours to sleep, at which point I will hopefully be most of the way if not totally done with the report assuming everything goes well, which it hasn't so far.  I'm sometimes very idealistic, which usually, though not always, perpetually declines as the deadline approaches.

I got the monster juice and have sipped a little.  I went for quite a while, a few months, with little bad sugar intake and now I'm on a bad sugar intake increase.  This only makes me realize the laziness I have displayed heavily over the last year; that I have to have energy drinks in order to have the energy to get things done rather than getting the proper exercise and diet...another thing dragging my self esteem down lately.

qrg

fuck commas

ouyt

And then the next beer started to get me a little over the line that I didn't want to go over...and it was only my second beer.  Does that mean I need to drink more, so I'm not so much an alcohol pussy?  Actually, it leaves me at a financial advantage and I don't feel like an addict in the process.  I don't ever want to feel like an addict again, except when it's being addicted to getting shit done and enjoying myself in the process.  That may be a good addiction, assuming there is such a thing.

However, my lab report has got at least a little chunk taken out, but I always spend far too much time on the wording alone, let alone trying understand the damn results and why they didn't work, which they almost never do.  It took many an experiments to realize that most of them never work right, let alone ideally, resulting in the reason of failure explanations that tend to be ambiguous, but must be that way to a point.  Results, even in the most ideal of situations always have error involved, whether it's random, erratic, or systematic, it's always there anytime a measurement is taken.  However, most undergrads don't give a shit, they, including myself (usually) just want to get that damn set of pages in, get the grade, get the class overwith, and fucking graduate.  At least that is what I am beginning to feel.  Was it naive that I actually wanted to learn in the first place?  Or am I still learning, but with less care?

I guess I'll have a couple of more drinks and read some more of my other shit and wonder if I really am still that naive, especially when I never appear to put any constructive comments into something, as it always appears that everybody else is beyond what I have to say.  My day will come, and I will never look back...

uyd

And then I said, "Ok"

So, for my next trick, I am going to make some stuff happen and you won't even know it happened.

Can you hear me?  I'm typing as loud as I can.  I used to be a radio dj. I used to lobby the station to do an all sign language show.  Is it not discrimination that they did not do such a show?

I'm thinking that if I could go to the store and get some coffee, I might have to pay for it.

Yes, I'm wasting time, not typing a paper due tomorrow over some stuff I don't really understand.

dtumja

It's been relatively happy times the last couple of days.  I'm still behind on this report I must write for this week.  I have some other homework, which I want to do some and don't want to do some, but haven't worked on it much.

Had an alright discussion today on purposeness without religion.  As I feel, there is less purpose if my ultimate purpose is only to satisfy god and not myself.  Without god, I feel I have more of a purpose to enjoy what it is in which I choose to be a part of, along with everyone else, even though I don't enjoy it every day and haven't had much joy lately...but that's another story.  It may be related to be not standing up for myself and typically letting other people have the one up over me so that they will like me, which I think is bullshit as I end up doing shit that I don't want to or agreeing or disagreeing with something I don't want to, etc., just to make others happy.  And I'm feeling the same way about the god thing.  Fortunately, I don't ascribe to any gods.  That's one hurdle.  Now, if I would quit being afraid to express it when I feel the need is there, i.e., if someone starts preaching to me.  If we don't get along over it, so be it.  I don't have to be friends with everyone, and I'm not anyways, and I need to step up for myself.  We can still be civil about it...and stuff.

ask;finq

I almost finished the report.  I haven't written a complete one in far too long.  I can never manage to ever get them finished anymore, even if I spend a good amount of time on them.  I was pretty happy with this one though, as it was going to do some good for my grade.  Then, only to realize as I got to school, I had left my flash drive with the report on it at home and it was due at that moment.  No matter what, at that point it was going to be a day late, which means a 10 % penalty.  Fuck'n shit balls.  This is the second time I've taken this class.  The last time I took it, I worked extremely hard on the papers, but I was also a drug addict and wasn't thinking straight, mostly due to dehydration and malnourishment caused by being in the adderal zone.  You almost couldn't stop me from studying, but I didn't remember much because i was not treating myself well.

Things are starting to look grim for this class again, but I know there is still hope as there are still four more papers left to write and they are worth more points than the previous three.  If I fail this class again, I think I will call it quits, even if I am this close to the end.  I'm beginning to think that no one will higher me anyways.  I was supposed to graduate about six months ago.  Now I'm supposed to graduate in about 2 months and haven't put in the slightest bit of effort to finding a job or looking at grad schools or anything related to post graduation stuff.  I can't even get myself to get a job and I'm so broke right now.  Fortunately, I have some help, but I need to fucking quit this stupid ass childish bullshit and grow up.  I don't know what has happened to me.  Is there any hope left anymore?

msrt

I'm tired of myself, my lack of motivation, my fluctuating self esteem, my inability to get my mind to shut the fuck up and enjoy it all, my constant holding on an inability to let go, my ignorance on how to let go, my indecisiveness, my naivety, my great ability to quit, my whatever ellipsis

I keep wanting to learn, I have a vast want but lost that drive I had for the first 20 years of life.  Now it's been almost 10 years since I had it for such an extended period.  I get spurts of it here and there, even for a year or so, but then I crash hard and have no drive whatsoever.  I'm tired of it.  I know I'm better than this.  I know I have not even began to find my full potential.  I have much to learn, but no desire to try.  I can't stand this shit anymore.  I keep getting closer to the bottom.

It's funny that I used to want to be this cliche and be a drug addict, partly so i could do the fight club thing and hit rock bottom to gain a new outlook on life, and partly just so I would have the experience to empathize and help others.  I never thought it would happen, then it did.  I went through the addiction after doing one of the dumbest things I ever did about a year and a half ago.  I finally kicked the addiction about 4 months ago after going through dry, depressing times of not having the drug, to still being depressed even after this much time.  I haven't dropped out of school but have failed a more than a semesters worth of classes, burned some bridges, gained some weight, lost communication, become extremely distant from making new relationships, failed miserably at growing up, have fallen to having to ask for money all of the time, yet still have tons of love around me from family and friends.  I can't say I don't have any love towards me from them, but perhaps I have none from me for myself anymore.

I was an honor student that always had a job, always got shit done, and always worked hard for what I wanted.  Now I'm the opposite.  I still have yet to grow up and stand up for me and take live by the neck and smack it around to let it know who's boss.  I see people I grew up with that were pieces of shit when we were growing up to having good jobs and things going well for them.  I was the good kid and now I'm the piece of shit that doesn't do much.

I wish I never had to go down like this, I don't ever want to go through this again.  I've felt strongly on many occasions that I'm never going to make it out, that there's no hope anymore.  Some people might say that I need to find Jesus.  Fuck that bullshit.  Then I'm still not living for myself, only for some mega-egotistical asshole that has nothing better to do than demand my obedience and punish me for wanting to live for me.  Apparently that is love to some.

wy4

And now, as usual, I'm not studying, but I'm somewhat wasting time and learning, though not the learning that I've put so much time into for a piece of paper that says that I put the time into that should get me a better job that I don't really want as I can't seem to make up my mind on much of anything like when the appropriate time comes to end a sentence may be in order that I don't become to wordy only to lose my audience...and stuff.

I have spent more time lately learning all of the state capitals and names of countries.  I am happy now that I can name all the states and the respective state capital without any aid.  I can also now, with the aid of a map only for spatial reference, name all of the countries in Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, and North America as well as all of the provinces in Canada and whatever the provinces or states are in Australia.  I think this is good knowledge to have.  In this day and age, I think it's a good thing to know about the world we live in.
Hell, when I saw Borat, I thought Kazakhstan was a made up country only to eventually realize it is a relatively large Asian country.

I'm pretty lacking on U.S. history, let alone world history.  My next adventure is to spend time learning first about the Constitution and it's constituents and the formation of the U.S.  But, I'm also trying to learn more on Atheism and how to argue, though I have had very little practice in application of argument, which is a fundamental necessity for good practice and growth.

I've been a pretty naive person most of my life.  I didn't understand how memorization didn't lead to understanding for several years.  Better stated, I didn't understand why I didn't grasp some concepts such as calculus when I spent so much time memorizing problems.  I thought the understanding came with the memorization.  Now I'm paying the price for it.  But at least I finally realized my problem even though people would say that you have to understand this, you can't just memorize it; only for me to rebut that I didn't understand what they meant so just keep on memorizing.

Relaxation is also a key that I didn't realize I was missing out on.  I was very tense, always had tense facial muscles and leg and shoulder muscles when I didn't even realize it until it was pointed out to me.  Wasting all of that energy on something completely unnecessary and, in fact, hindering my abilities.

I'm still struggling with all of this stuff, but I'm slowly getting better at it, or at least I think I am.

Second guessing myself is another problem within itself.

Enjoy

syjz

Welcome to this day, the first day after yesterday and the last one before the next one.  My balls are still blue.  Did you know that having blue balls will actually cause you to urinate semen within the next 24 or so hours?  It scared the shit out of me the first couple of times that it happened cause my pee was very cloudy.

I had to go to the doctor once cause it hurt when I pee.  The doctor suggested that I not stand on a hot plate.

Quantum mechanics uses an irrationally large box to approximate electron orbitals and their energies.  It's a interesting paradox-like rationality that actually has been working for a long time...using impossibility to understand possibility.  Only now they are fine tuning it, infinitely.

I get tired of hearing that my atheism keeps me from being able to feel love, from having any morals or self-worth or reason to live.  As if the only meaning to life were for god and not for me, because that would be selfish of me to want real meaning for my life and to take away from living only for god...as if life is not my own.  If my only purpose to serve god's apparently unselfish desires, then I see that as being equal to the limit of x --> infinity of 1/x.  That is no purpose to me.  I would not be doing anything to help myself, nothing would be satisfying except that god likes it.  I would be like one of those dimwit assistants that are paid to tell their boss how awesome the boss is in any situation whether it is a lie or not, even when the boss knows it's not the truth.  bullshit