fuck

I just finished the second exam of the semester for the only class that I'm afraid will keep me from graduating and I'm pretty sure my fear has become justified. I don't know if there is still hope. The only thing I can think of is begging my professor if there is any way that I can still pass. Of course, I still have to see the exam score first, but I don't feel happy about it at all. I was well below the average, though still above several people, on the first exam, but since then several people have dropped the class, which probably puts me at the low end of any curve. FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU is all I can really say. I've put 8+ years of my life in college and it looks like I may have just thrown it down the drain.

I feel like I'm in Fight Club where the narrator's life fall's apart one thing at a time until the end when he has nothing left to lose but his life only to fail at one more thing, but springing in a new one. All the while it's just a constant fight with the self, which I feel has been very much what I've been doing for a very long time. I'm really starting to get sick of myself and being afraid all of the time. Sometimes I wonder how much it hurts to bleed out the neck.

ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

"Saw the gap again today...As you were begging me to stay...take care not to make me enter...if I do we both may disappear...Saw this infant here before me...what is this but my reflection...who am I to judge or strike you down...."