closing in

In a few hours there will only be 5 weeks of classes left in my undergraduate career. Even better, since the class only meets 2 days a week, there will only be 10 days of class left, which I believe the last day of class is only for checking in all lab materials, thus leaving only 9 real class days left!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately our grades are not being posted as each paper and assignment is being graded so I don't have a clue how I am doing. I know my reports have not been very good. The AI appears to be fairly lenient. One day in a light hearted conversation amongst him, I, and a few other students I asked if all you really needed to do was not complain to pass the class and he replied with pretty much. This was most likely said as a joke, but I'm really hoping there is some truth to that.

I'm 3 semesters behind in the course's material, which sucks on major donkey dongs. Yet again, I've been lazy about trying to rehash it, just in hopes that I can get by with a passing grade and graduate. I hate that I do that. The weird thing is that I really enjoy learning the stuff, so why is it so hard to get myself to do something I really enjoy? I can't figure that one out.

I do read a lot about atheism everyday, though have no real working knowledge of any religions or church/state separation or much else. I read the blogs and some news everyday, sometimes for several hours. I do enjoy it, but I really need to start understanding U.S. history and historical U.S. documents and start becoming active in the fight to keep the supernatural bullshit out and putting the rational in.

I'm still scared about what life is going to be like after I graduate, meaning I'm still afraid of myself. I still have barely looked for a job applying my upcoming degree. I do finally have a job right now doing bitch work in retail. It's not bad and I did the exact job for a few years anyways, so I fell right back into it. I'm finally working back to financial freedom.

I also ran my first 5K equivalent last week and it was awesome. I am really starting to see improvement, which means I am getting healthier. YAY!

a little rant

For believers, their only purpose is to make god happy.

A god who is omnieverything is somehow not happy if you live for yourself, and perhaps those around you.

And you're the selfish one for living such a vile way to not satisfy god.

I finally took a step

Today I finally made a step in my skeptical life of pointing out something that was mentioned by CFI but not backed up. I felt nervous for some reason, which is probably due to it being my first time and being afraid that what I was saying was either wrong due to me missing something and/or I was scared of the rebuttal, which is probably the biggest reason for my fear of not saying anything in the first place.

I did get a response and I don't know if I should make another rebuttal or not. It turns out I was right in what I said, but the reason was that there footage was intermittent and they couldn't get what I was looking for. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to just let it go and believe them or to claim bullshit. Would the skeptic not claim bullshit? I'm still new to this and will be for a while.

I can feel it

I'm sure I've written about this before, or not. I keep finding myself in the position of wanting to become very active in the atheist (separation of church and state) and gay movements, but have yet to take any action. I know I'm not very knowledgeable on either topic when it comes to law, history, and other things. I know I could not go into a debate well armed. I'm ready to jump out of this damn shell I've been stuck in my whole life. I'm ready to scream...

getting there

There are only 9 class days left of my current next-to-last class of my undergraduate career. Being taught in less than 5 1/2 weeks makes for an intense course, especially for an upper level math course. We're doing well plugging through it but I kept having a hard time keeping concepts in my memory even if I understood them when I was reading about them. This made for some suck moments of not getting newer topics, some of which I kept trying to understand and could not so I have been going over all of the sections yet again, along with doing practice problems to drill them in my head. I still have the four latest sections to get to, which I have only slightly touched. When I say slightly, I mean either I have only touched it through class lecture or I have gone through it with no understanding. We have the largest homework assignment due in 2 days and I still have over half of the old stuff to get through before I even get to the homework topics. Ball suck'n.

At least I'm learning something. I have been wondering lately if I was ever really going to learn anything in my degree. I am sure that I have learned more than I really think, but there is just, probably/hopefully, some suppression that I still have yet to release in order to let it flow. I feel that this is the case with my drumming skills. I always feel afraid to just let go and let it all flow, which makes everything I play sort of choppy and on the verge of catastrophe. I suppose almost every aspect of my life is that way.

On a good note, I have been running everyday with the exception of one, for 17 days now. I'm not sure if it is due to the running but I have noticed just in the last couple of days that I don't feel the weird need to have to sleep 12 hours at a time only to be tired anyways. I'm also noticing that I am drinking less coffee, though, I'm not sure by how much.

I've made it my goal to run a marathon. I know I have a long ways to go. With the exception of one day, all of my running has been on an elliptical machine. The one day I ran on ground was a major difference on the legs and made me realize that I have a long ways to go. I want to build my lungs up first and then hit the distance thing. A marathon would be awesome and a major stepping stone in my life on top of being a healthy, positive, constructive goal to have.

and something

I don't know what to say

Yay

I passed all my classes this past semester, which fuck'n rules the house. Of course, I found this out a couple of days ago, so the joy is a little wore, but I know that the pain would have been much sharper with more stamina. I started my next to last undergraduate class yesterday. It shouldn't be too bad. It is very condensed 15 weeks into less than 6 weeks. So a fair amount of work to do everyday.

I went to Phoenix this past weekend. It was nice as I had never been there before. Got to go to a zoo and see a cool broadway show, the first broadway show I really enjoy, though I have only seen 3, and you could say that I did enjoy part of one of the other 2. 70 degrees Fahrenheit is more like 50 to 55 degrees here. The difference is caused by the amount of relative humidity.

I'm getting down to I must make a very important life decision very soon; should I become single? I'm leaning heavily towards yes. I'm pretty sure it is going to happen soon and probably won't be a good moment. But I also believe that it will be a great decision as I don't really feel I was ever into the relationship in the first place.